Blackness. For years.
The funny thing was that I never knew that I was in the darkness, because I didn't even know what light was. All I knew was that I was encased inside a dungeon of thick black scales, and when I looked down at myself, I was made of the same stuff. I didn't know how I felt about it, because I didn't even have the ability to feel.
In those days, I was able to faintly hear the sounds of the mind thinking, the mouth talking, music playing, and people laughing. Occasionally those things would cause sparks to cascade down the dark dungeon I was encased in and would land on my cold, stoney skin. But as soon as they met my scales, they would bounce off. However, in these moments I was the closest I ever came to "feeling" something. Those sparks were so real and alive that they could not help but send tiny shocks into my lifeless body. The "feeling" lasted only a split second before the sparks fell to the ground underneath me and laid there. Darkness continued to envelop me, because my dungeon was dark and scaly, and I was dark and scaly. It was dead, and I was dead.
A curious thing happened throughout those years. The sparks -- the "alive" stuff -- kept building up underneath me. It made the interior of my dungeon a little brighter. You might suppose that this is a cheerful thing, but in reality, it was not. All that it was accomplishing was helping me see and realize the dark state of my dungeon and my own dark state. It made me realize all the more that the sparks were alive, but I was utterly and hopelessly dead.
I didn't notice it at first, but it must have been happening for awhile. I initially noticed it because of the whisper I heard, followed by a tickling sensation. I examined myself and realized that instead of lying on the ground beneath me, a few sparks had started sticking to me. Once I noticed it, I was able to observe it happening. Some of the sparks that stuck to me were new ones -- the ones that cascades down into the dungeon. But some of them actually rose from the ground beneath me and attached to my flesh.
As more sparks started sticking to me, I became more perceptive to the whispers. They were saying words.
"Come to me, all who labor and are heavy laden, and I will give you rest." ... "Incline your ear, and come to me; hear, that your soul may live; and I will make with you an everlasting covenant" ... "Thus says the Lord God to these bones: Behold, I will cause breath to enter you, and you shall live. And I will lay sinews upon you, and will cause flesh to come upon you, and cover you with skin, and put breath in you, and you shall live, and you shall know that I am Yahweh."
The frequency of the sparks sticking kept increasing. The more of them there were, the more I couldn't ignore them. In fact, they became quite overwhelming. They didn't just speak to me when they first landed on me; no, they continuously spoke to me as they clung to my flesh.
At first they caused a sensation that felt like a continuous, slight tingling. Then it started to sting. Then it started to sting even more. Quickly, it became an extremely painful experience. I constantly thought to myself that if this was what it felt like to "feel" and to "be alive" like the sparks, then I didn't want it. I utterly repulsed the thought of becoming alive. But the sparks wouldn't leave me alone. The words were drowning me. Gripping to me. They were encasing me and pressing into me. If I wasn't already dead, I probably would have died from the pain.
The pain became so intense that I literally could not bear it. In that moment, I found my voice. I yelled in agony. I screamed.
I was alive.
The pain stopped. I was bewildered. I looked at myself, and I became even more bewildered. I was no longer dark and scaly. No; I was completely composed of the sparks. My flesh was through and through made up of light. There was no darkness in me.
The dungeon started trembling around me. I realized that it was aware of my presence because of the flash of light. And I think... I was too real for the dungeon to handle. It could not ignore that I was alive. I can imagine that it didn't enjoy my light, because it had not experienced a change. It was still dark and dead around me.
Years passed, and my light continued to grow as more sparks -- more words -- were added to my flesh. I had never realized it when I was dead, but the scales of the dungeon would often fall on top of me. This wasn't a problem before because I was made up of the same stuff as it, but after I was made alive it was simply awful. It was especially bad right after new sparks were added to my flesh and I would dance around with joy like I often did. I don't think the dungeon liked the light that I was casting on it, so it would intentionally throw its scales on me.
At first I would have said that the worse part about the scales landing on me was that it made me feel dead again. I felt suffocated and it was harder to hear the words speak to me. Yet over and over, the words proved that they would prevail and dissipate the scales, especially when a new shower of sparks was sent down to me.
Once I realized this, a new "worst thing" about the scales took over: they made me grieve. I would weep when they landed on me, because it reminded me that the dungeon surrounding me was dead. I knew what it was like to be dead and not even know it. I realized that I was not the one in the "dungeon" at all, but rather the dungeon itself was in captivity. I was capable of feeling and freedom and having the words sink into my being -- but I knew that my dungeon did not experience these things. I kept hoping that the words would stick to its walls and make it alive, but it never happened. I was alive and it remained dead.
More years passed and my sorrow increased. But I was not left without hope; the words helped me in my grief. They caused me to have confidence that one day, the light would make even my dungeon alive.
"We ourselves, who have the firstfruits of the Spirit, groan inwardly as we wait eagerly for adoption as sons, the redemption of our bodies." ... "Behold, I am making all things new." ... "Surely I am coming soon."
